Getting asked to the preview tasting of a new restaurant/bar generally requires you know or fellate someone involved in the opening. To spare you this degradation, we've taken the liberty of inviting you to cost-effectively sample the menu at Jimmy's, a subteranean tavern opening tonight in the East Village.
Thru Saturday, and again September 28th thru October 1st*, you'll be able to enjoy everything Jimmy's has to offer -- possibly including Jimmy himself -- for a mere $20 per person. This almost-free-for-all will take place directly under the 7th Street sidewalk, in what resembles the keg cellar of a rockin' monastery. Once a Ukrainian social club, the space was most recently used for storage, St. Patrick's Day parties, and the perverse satanic rituals responsible for Carson Daly's undeserved celebrity. Thanks to Jimmy Carbone, it's now a comfortable, two-room, European-style beer grotto. Among Jimmy's plans once his joint gets rolling:
The taps will flow with brews from exotic destinations like Belgium, Germany and Brooklyn.
The small stage will host music, comedy, theater, and "burlesque artists" -- basically strippers with NYU degrees.
Besides Ukrainian beer-sausages and seafood stews, Jimmy's will feature a "slow-cooked meat of the night". The meat's presentation will occasionally be accompanied by a charming theme song performed by Jimmy himself -- who, for a husky man, has the glorious voice of an angel.
Unfortunately, restaurant sneak previews don't last long enough, and the establishment will usually try to limit your portions to "a taste". We recommend getting your fill by any means necessary, be it hypnosis, fake mustaches or thinly veiled threats. So go now, and consume wantonly until Jimmy comes to deeply regret ever having shared this special opportunity with us.