Dressed-up dogs on Damen

Because a hot dog shouldn't necessarily require a topless Shannon Tweed to be memorable, The Haute & The Dog's dishing out inventively topped encased meats in the former Bagel On Damen space, now rocking more of a country feel with 120yr-old Amish barnwood, a mounted deer's head, and meat hooks dangling from the ceiling

You could opt for a Chicago classic, but isn't it just as classically Chicagoan to wrap something in bacon? This number's topped off with poblano-jalapeno relish, onion & cheddar

The Green Chili Mac & Cheese Dog combines Albuquerque flavor with a quintessential comfort food, ample comfort being critical for anyone living in Albuquerque

The Swine's smothered in sweet relish and a hefty helping of the Carnal Swine street cart's pulled pork recipe, made with Dr. Pepper (not Dr. Pepper 10 -- don't worry ladies; you can totally order it!)

Side up with baked beans, succotash and seasoned French fries that're actually baked, so might as well eat 'em and end their existential crisis.

As you can see, they have a deep-cut bottled soft drink selection (butterscotch root beer again?!), and they're also BYOB in case you feel like exposing yourself as a total boob.