Food & Drink

Screw you PETA, here are Chicago's most gloriously meaty dishes

Chicago meat
Sean Cooley

PETA is the worst, for so many reasons -- but this week's? They put an attack billboard literally across the street from revered butcher shop and restaurant Publican Quality Meats. It’s bad enough to make you wanna thaw out next Thanksgiving’s turducken right now.

See? The worst, right? Well, thanks to the bleeding hearts at PETA, we've set out to conquer even MORE meat, in more creative ways, beginning with these eight ridiculously meat-filled meals.

Chicago meat
Cassandra Stadnicki

CHARCUTERIE PLATE at PUBLICAN QUALITY MEATS (click here for address and deets)
West Loop
What's PETA billboard-worthy: Starting at the source of the billboard beef, PQM goes to great lengths (by using free-range animals that have natural diets without steroids or antibiotics and are slaughtered humanely) to put out their range of amazing meats. The standout is their daily, rotating charcuterie plate featuring cured meat, rillettes, and pâté.

Chicago meat
Paddy Long's

BACON BOMB at PADDY LONG'S (click here for address and deets)
What's PETA billboard-worthy: The word bacon appears on Paddy Long’s menu 42 times. The 5lb Bacon Bomb has a nucleus of beef and pork sausage with cracked pepper-bacon that’s then wrapped in weaved-bacon and rubbed with brown sugar before grilling. If you can’t handle an entire Bomb, you can also get a nice wedge of it in sandwich form.

Chicago meat
Sean Cooley

CRUSTLESS PIZZA at LOU MALNATI'S (click here for address and deets)
Multiple locations
What's PETA billboard-worthy: A hidden, meaty menu option, Lou’s Crustless Pie actually does have a crust: the deep dish buttercrust has just been replaced with a base made of sausage. The crust… is made… of sausage. Top it with pepperoni or double-down on the sausage.

Chicago meat

ANIMAL SERVICE at FRONTIER (click here for address and deets)
West Town
What's PETA billboard-worthy: Frontier could film a sequel to the very popular Matt Damon movie, called We Bought a Zoo 2: We Ate the Zoo. From llamas, lambs and gators to wild boar and suckling pig, the Big Game eatery will leave you sufficiently stuffed and taking home whatever carrion is left.

FRIED BOLOGNA SANDWICH at AU CHEVAL (click here for address and deets)
West Loop
What's PETA billboard-worthy:  We could have just as easily placed Au Cheval’s top-tier bacon cheeseburger on here, but its Bologna Sandwich fresh off the flattop holds a special place in our arteries for its piled-high, house-cured mortadella. The brioche bun and melted cheese help to make the bologna sandwich a real meal and not borderline prison food.

FOIE GRAS SAUSAGE at HOT DOUG'S (click here for address and deets)
What's PETA billboard-worthy: Back in 2006 when foie gras was outlawed, only outlaws would have foie gras. Even in the face of the city's ban (which ended in '08) Hot Doug’s is always a supporter of delicious, fatty, duck liver, offering a foie gras & Sauternes duck sausage with truffle aioli. Lining up on a Friday or Saturday will net you a bonus side of duck-fat fries.

THREE LITTLE PIGGY SANDWICH at THE SILVER PALM (click here for address and deets)
West Town
What's PETA billboard-worthy: Well, we now know how The Three Little Pigs fable ends; it turns out YOU were the wolf the whole time, knocking down houses and howling as you dove into this multi-meat sandwich packed with double-smoked ham, pork tenderloin, AND bacon, topped with Gruyere cheese and a fried egg (available when the dining car restaurant re-opens in April).

Chicago meat
Clayton Hauck

WILD BOAR SLOPPY JOE at LONGMAN & EAGLE (click here for address and deets)
Logan Square
What's PETA billboard-worthy: The manliest of manwiches is a top-choice at Longman’s modern inn. It features a heap of finely ground wild boar in Sloppy Joe seasoning, topped with crispy onions and pickled jalapenos with a side of beef-fat fries.