A New Yorker's diet is 95% delivery, so a restaurant that won't come to where you're at is damn frustrating -- especially if you're hopelessly addicted to their signature grease medley. But these two spots, both opening this weekend, will offer expanded service areas -- answering thousands of lazy, corpulent prayers:
Dirty Bird To Go
Click to read Dirty Bird's Menu; 212.620.4836
Dirty'll be scrambling sack-laden bikes to two Villages (Greenwich and West), plus Chelsea and the Meatpacking District. The chow (rotisserie, fried, and fingered chicken, plus classic sides) should be top-notch, as the owners were both chefs at Jack's Luxury Oyster Bar. And Dirty's fowl's free range, so you'll know your bird had a rich life before getting slaughtered, cooked, and pedaled across the City.
Click to read Yummy Shawarmy's Menu; 212.989.7170
This gourmet Mediterranean joint's owner may've been siphoning inventory from his other venture (86th Street Wines) when he pledged to motor his shawarmas anywhere in Manhattan. The menu exhorts "Let our special forces deliver to you!" underneath a pic of an Apache attack 'copter, but in reality, YS's unarmed van hits the streets at 8am with tasty breakfast options like the Seussian "Green Omelet" pita sandwich. They'll keep at it 'til 2am Sun-Thu, 4am on weekends -- when your pallor most resembles the omelet.
So plug Dirty and Yummy into your phone, and you can receive their goods even if you get stuck eating at a friend's, the office, or a Bellevue psych ward -- where Yummy's owner may end up if he keeps insisting his van is a helicopter.