Food & Drink

Get yourself right with Detroit's best hangover cures

Published On 02/03/2014 Published On 02/03/2014
Best Hangover Cures DET
Jeff Waraniak

In honor of football, drinking, America, and YOU, we proclaim the Monday after the Super Bowl shall henceforth be known as National Hangover Day. It’s a day for hangovers to be celebrated, embraced, and combated in the most enjoyable of ways -- namely, eating delicious food, and possibly drinking more. The ultimate goal? Getting the entire country a day off work, a beautiful dream you can help make happen by signing this petition to our sports-loving President right here and tweeting it.

The immediate goal? Fixing that hangover with Detroit's best remedies from epic breakfasts to big-time Bloody Marys.

Grand Slam
Onassis Coney Island, Corktown
Onassis is the go-to place to cram into a booth with last night’s fellow booze enthusiasts and recount the night’s debauchery over a big ol’ plate of eggs, bacon, hash browns, ham, and toast. Sure, you could get a similar plate at Denny’s, IHOP, or another Coney joint, but Onassis’ coziness, location, and hash browns (mmm, hash browns) make it the prime go-to.

Jeff Waraniak

Bloody Mary
Vivio's Food & Spirits, Eastern Market
The Bloodys at Vivio's are legendary for good reason. They’re satisfyingly spicy, generously portioned, and they’re served complete with pickle, lime wedge, and a beer back. They’ll also spice it up more for you with habañero vodka if you ask nicely. Look, we know you aren't feeling great, but still ask nicely, okay?

Jeff Waraniak

Voodoo Eggs Benedict
The Hudson Cafe, Downtown
What kind of dark, mysterious magic is this, Hudson Cafe? Two eggs draped over house made corncakes and topped with chorizo, cheese, and ranchero sauce, you say? Will eating it inflict pain on the idiot who made me do that last round of shots last night? Fantastic.

Jeff Waraniak

Just About Everything
Honest John’s Bar & Grill, Midtown
No matter when that hangover strikes, Honest John’s is there to comfort you on any day of the week from 7am to 2am (9am on Sunday’s… but what would you be doing up that early on a Sunday, anyway?) with enormous omelets, toasty chicken ‘n waffles, cheap burgers, and Hoovers -- that's cranberry/ orange/ pineapple juice spiked with vodka, not the popular vacuum cleaner manufacturer.

Jeff Waraniak

Hangover Special
Brooklyn Street Local, Corktown
The Hangover Special at Brooklyn Street Local is specifically engineered (by scientists? MAYBE!) to restore you to optimal condition. Two eggs, toast, bacon, ham, peameal bacon, chicken sausage patties or tempeh (nope), and roasted potatoes or green salad (also nope) are your choices. It's all local and they even have your pesky vegetarian friend covered if need be.

Jeff Waraniak

Breakfast Burritos
Evie's Tamales, Mexicantown
No breakfast burrito this delightful should cost 99 cents. So, you know, buy five or so, and stuff them with chorizo, ham, potatoes… and… pretty much everything else delicious, and prepare to rejoin society. The chilaquiles and huevos rancheros here are equally restorative.

Buddy's Pizza

Buddy's, Various Locations
Buddy’s might be more of a later-in-the-day remedy, but it's not like you were up all that early anyway. Perfectly crispy, cheesy, saucy -- it may well be responsible for more Detroit hangover cures than any other foodstuff. Pair it with a Vernor's and nothing will stop you.

Jeff Waraniak

Bloody Mary Bar
Bronx Bar, Midtown
If you're more the "take matters into your own hands" type, Sunday afternoons at the Bronx belong to the Bloody Mary bar. Pickles, celery, various spices, and all the fixin's you desire. Pair them with such delicacies as… an entire plate of bacon, fried pickles, or some deliciously meaty burgers.

Drought Juice Bar

Pear Cayenne Juice
Drought, Midtown
In truth, the most effective hangover cure is hydration, so… juice is a good choice! Drought makes some seriously tasty combinations of organic cold-pressed goodness, with the pear cayenne adding in some spice to help you sweat it out. Truth be told, just about anything here is probably going to help you out significantly.

Cliff Bell's

Sunday Brunch
Cliff Bell's, Downtown
If it’s Sunday, and you’re feeling hungover but still think you have the wherewithal to dine in a proper establishment, Cliff Bell’s is the place. $10 bottomless mimosas and Bloody Marys will take the edge off, and steak and eggs served over potato gratin deliver meat/ egg/ carb goodness while still letting you feel fancy.

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1. Onassis Coney Island 1501 Michigan Ave, Detroit, MI 48216 (Corktown)

Onassis Coney Island is certainly a destination to grab yourself a coney -- you will not be disappointed -- but Onassis has an added trick up its sleeve: breakfast. Grand Slams and Grecian Skillets are there to soak up your indiscretions the morning after some boozy revelry.

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2. Vivio's Food & Spirits 2460 Market St, Detroit, MI 48207 (Eastern Market)

Vivio's is located in Eastern Market, serving up delicious American cuisine and their signature Bloody Marys, replete with pickle, lime wedge, and a beer back. They are huge, perfectly spiced, and Vivio's will even turn things up with a habañero vodka upon request.

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3. The Hudson Cafe 1241 Woodward Ave, Detroit, MI 48226

Once you get past the cafe and the comfy lounge area with its stone-hearth fireplace, you'll see that The Hudson Cafe is a modern take on an American diner serving hearty breakfast and lunch options in its bright, minimalist restaurant. Hudson offers an overwhelmingly large menu of standard options like pancakes, waffles, french toast, omelets, sandwiches, and salads that are equally as overwhelmingly large. But variety is the name of the game here: there are 6 types of Eggs Benedict (Voodoo made with corn cakes and chorizo is a must-try) and inventive options like a thanksgiving omelet with cranberries and turkey sausage, red velvet pancakes with a cream cheese drizzle, house-made corned beef hash, and fried catfish and waffle.

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4. Honest John's Bar & Grill 488 Selden St, Detroit, MI 48201 (Midtown)

Honest John's is open 7am-2am every day (save 9am-2am on Sunday's) to serve you delicious omelets, burgers, and Hoovers -- a combination of cranberry, orange, pineapple juice, and vodka.

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5. Brooklyn Street Local 1266 Michigan Ave, Detroit, MI 48226 (Corktown)

Founded in 2012 by a Canadian couple, Brooklyn Street Local is a homey Corktown lunch destination for vegetarians and carnivores alike. Ingredients are sourced fresh from Detroit's urban farms and are used to create an array of flavorful favorites, such as The BSL, traditional poutine made with organic cheese curds and beef gravy (can be adapted to vegan appetites), The Works, a thick, organic beef patty topped with cheddar, bacon, and a fried egg, the Vegan Reuben served on rye, and rich banana walnut pancakes. The interior has all the marks of an American diner (banquette seating, warm hanging lamps, framed photographs on the walls), but the stylish outdoor patio calls to mind the industrial cityscape of Bushwick, Brooklyn.

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6. Evie's Tamales 3454 Bagley St, Detroit, MI 48216 (Mexicantown)

Although you can find really good chilaquiles and huevos rancheros at this unassuming Mexican eatery, their claim to fame are the 99 cent breakfast burritos. Load one or 15 up with chorizo, ham, potatoes, and anything else you like. Other cheap eats include half a dozen tamales -- for under $5!

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7. Bronx Bar 4476 2nd Ave, Detroit, MI 48201

Dimly lit, graffitied, and complete with a shot board and pool table, the Bronx bar is everyone's favorite dive. Sure, the staff is exceptionally cranky in a city where "cranky" is often a best-case scenario, but with juicy burgers, and a make-your-own-Bloody Mary bar on weekends, they've gotta make concessions somewhere.

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8. Drought 441 W Canfield St, Detroit, MI 48201 (Midtown)

Drought has raw juice made from all organic fruits and vegetables -- grab a single juice or shot, or try one of their multi-juice routines called The Rinse or The Wash.

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9. Cliff Bell's 2030 Park Ave, Detroit, MI 48226

Hands-down Detroit's finest cabaret club, Cliff Bell's is a cocktail bar, restaurant, and entertainment destination with dramatic Art Deco décor that includes a curved wood ceiling, mahogany leather banquettes, and a vintage Steinway grand piano. Stop by to wash down great jazz and burlesque with quality martinis and other beverages mixed by well dressed and professional bartenders.