A minute later I was at the computer ringing up someone else, and he came up behind me looking incredibly distraught. He started explaining that it was his only card and he didn't have any other way to pay for the meal. Then he asked me if I could cover him. I looked at him sideways and asked him exactly what that meant.
He said, "You know. Help me out?"
"You mean pay your bill?" I replied.
He said, "Yeah. I mean, yeah, I guess. Or... like... maybe like take some stuff off or something...?"
After I assured him there was absolutely no way I was paying his tab for him, he went back to the table and I awaited the inevitable dine and dash. To his credit, he walked back up a few minutes later with his date's card and was very apologetic.
It's probably the only time a stranger has asked me to give them $100, and definitely the only time someone has asked me to straight-up pay their tab.
I don't think the woman left happy.