If you're from Miami, you avoid eating things like pizza all week so you'll look good when you hit the best nightclubs in South Beach... and then invariably head to one of the numerous slice spots between South Pointe and 18th St and eat pizza. To make sure you know which one to choose, and to show every New Yorker who’s ever used the phrase “it’s in the water” that Miami pizza can stand up to anything NYC's got to offer, we decided to order some cheese pizza at every single South Beach slice spot and then ranked 'em. You're welcome...
Price: $3.82 See those rivers of orange sludge on that slice up there? They taste about as good as they look, so the only time you should come here is after a long night at Mansion next door when you can’t tell the difference.
Price: $3.82 A great stop for the traveler who gets excited to see what The Gap looks like in new and exciting places, here you’re getting the same bitter cheese and oily flavor you’ll find at greater airports and turnpike rest stops.
Price: $3 Though we’re not sure if the name was changed from Gino’s Pizza and Brew due to legal proceedings or baseball-bat-in-a-back-office proceedings, what we do know is this fairly unremarkable slice is the same as it’s been under any name, with bland cheese and sauce topping a crispy, doughy crust.
Price: $4 Tucked away in a tiny strip mall between Collins Ave and Ocean Dr, this slice spot has undoubtedly survived on location alone. Though the wall boasts pictures of attractive, happy customers, we can only assume they ordered this pizza hot. The cheese is almost bitter, the sauce is almost tasteless, and the crispy thin crust has a good amount of bottom-of-the-oven char.
Price: $3.27 If you’ve got a hankering for big, doughy pizza while you’re on your way to buy tickets to the Duck Tour, well, this isn’t a bad option. The carb-crazy crust isn’t anything like the New York-style slices that dominate the Beach, but the wine-flavored red sauce on top pairs well with the wine bottles sold inside.
Price: $3.50 Unlike the strippers in the club next door, the slices here aren’t the most miserable things you’ve ever seen. They are, however, heavy on the grease, and unless you’re one of those weirdo pizza-dabbers that flavor’s going to dominate the pizza. Otherwise the slice has a pleasant, buttery flavor with a mild sauce.
Price: $3.82 If you went to the Grove in the early 2000s, you may remember this as THE go-to late-night slice spot. Actually, if you were doing the Grove right you probably don’t remember it at all, but suffice to say these slices -- still available at two locations in South Beach -- are a lot better after six pitchers of beer than they are for lunch.
Price: $5 Unlike every restaurant that’s opened in South Beach in the last 10 years that gives you microscopic portions of food for a ton of cash, the folks at Mega Pizza give you, well, MEGA portions of food for five bucks, though you won’t hear any self-proclaimed “foodies” raving about this stuff. First, because it doesn’t contain pork belly. Second, because these double-sized slices taste like what you’d get at a REALLY good ninth birthday party.
Price: $3.82 Fiore manages to bring something not COMPLETELY tasteless to a corner dominate by Wings and Alvin’s Island with its garlicky, buttery red sauce that makes this a great pick if you prefer savory over spicy.
Price: $4 The chances of you breezing right past this Colombian-owned pizza joint on 11th and Collins are pretty good as it’s tucked away on the front patio of a short-term apartment building. But this might be the most pleasantly surprising thick-crust slice spot in the Beach thanks to fresh basil hidden under fresh mozzarella and a flavorful red sauce.
Price: $3.82 Though it bares no relation to one of Miami’s top steakhouses, this SoBe newcomer in the old Naked Pizza spot on 13th and Washington boasts an impressive selection of slices. And it doesn't even need to dress its pizza up for it to be good thanks to a thick, herby red sauce topped with smooth, fresh cheese and an unobtrusive crust.
Price: $3.82 There are a lot of truly bad decisions you can make at 5am in South Beach, few of which you'll regret as quickly as having a slice of this long-time end-of-the-night SoBe hangout, where you might get the most delicious, rich, garlicky, herbed-cheese slice of your life, but also inevitably get a stomach ache after eating wayyy to much of it.
Price: $2 This is, hands down, THE best slice deal in the Beach. Not only because it’s the cheapest, but also because the sauce has that pureed whole tomato flavor that you find at authentic Italian spots like La Locanda and Giotto, with the same crispy Italian crust. It’s the closest thing to authentic Italian pizza you're getting at a slice spot.
Price: $5 Sometimes at the end of a night out in South Beach you have to sacrifice quality for quantity. And that’s true about pizza too, but not at Pizza Bar, where you can get the self-proclaimed biggest slices on the Beach (the folks at Mega might beg to differ) that also have a rich tomato and garlic flavor that’ll have you eating a lot more of it than you’d intended.
Price: $4 As the only late-night slice spot in SoFi, these guys could pretty much serve Papa John’s out of a hatchback Tercel and still make bank. But fortunately they’ve actually bothered to give South Beach denizens a fantastic product that can stand up to any slice from a city named after a gigantic piece of fruit.
Price: $3.54 Yeah, it’s not a New York-style slice. But this all-organic shop in the old Rustica spot next to Cameo starts with a fresh-made whole wheat sourdough crust, then tops it with a rich marinara, fresh basil & grated mozzarella, and leaves it unbaked until you order. The time it takes to cook is actually less than it takes some slice shops to heat up your pizza, making this your absolute best option when you just want a little pizza to-go.
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