Pies to make you less doughy

Some foods have very specific purposes: pickled ginger cleanses the pallet, while Four Loko cleanses the gene pool. For pizza boldly defying its traditional goal of making you obese: Naked Pizza.

Started by an anthropologist and a Harley-riding entrepreneur who met while cleaning New Orleans post-Katrina, PB's Naked is the first CA location of the no-frills 'za franchise that eschews "weird chemicals of any kind" while baking up health-pies that promote digestion, glycemic response, and "weight management", which Chandler's agent clearly sucked at. Said nutrition's achieved via a zero-sugar/trans fat, high protein, all natural dough packed with prebiotic fiber to stimulate probiotic (beneficial digestive bacteria) growth, and loaded with actual heat-resistant gut bacteria for a more immediate response, all from a 10+ whole grain/seed "Ancestral Blend", which's also what Zach Galifianakis starts his mornings with. The crust comes original or "skinny", and anchors specialty numbers like the hickory-smoked BBQ sauce/chicken/onions "Smokehouse", the sausage/chicken/garlic/bell pepper/onion "Ragin' Cajun", and the pepperoni/sausage/hamburger/ham "Farmvil", which oughtta be meaty enough to last through a long homestead.

Of course, you can also build your own pie, or cop a cheddar/mozzarella pull-apart they call "Mojomega Breadstixx", a dish so extremely named, its creators clearly went off the deep end.