Divide sandwich into eight triangles, and eat like a slice. When you eat the whole thing in one sitting, you’ll have only a fraction of the guilt you experience when you polish off a whole pie by yourself.
Sprawl out onto chaise lounge. Summon cherub (or, someone who owes you a serious favor). Cherub will then feed you bite-sized pieces of the ice cream sandwich as all your worries fade into nothingness.
Can’t decide on an ice cream flavor? Or a cookie combination? Create two separate sandwiches. Place one in each fist. Chomp one, then alternate to the next. Indecision has never been so sweet.