According to a terrifyingly detailed life expectancy test I just took online, I am going to live to be 84.27 years old. And considering all four of my grandparents lived to be 87, that doesn’t seem great. But before I go to the big, roomy La Quinta with free HBO and local calls in the sky, I want to make sure we’re all getting the most out of our experience here, so I made a list of things you should eat before you die. It’s like that Bucket List movie, except I am not a gifted amateur historian and family man who never rose above my status as a mechanic at the McCreath body shop. (There are also other differences).
Some of the things on this list are very specific, some of them are vaguely specific, and some are just general things you can likely do right now, assuming you live by an In-N-Out. Anyway, partake of the list, and -- as always -- tell me what I missed, and why I’m going to live to be at least 84.29 in the comments: