Thanks mostly to swears, Yelp has been entertaining us with its absurd restaurant rants for ages. But there comes a point where Yelp wrath crosses a line, and that line is the curbside of Applebee's. The neighborhood bar and grill isn't trying to be anything other than a friendly fast casual option, and yet, several Yelpers have taken it upon themselves to eviscerate the chain for things like errant lemon wedges and Marky Mark posters. Here are six of the most outrageously petty examples we could find, with handy cues to help you follow along these critics' sophisticated reviews. Bon appetit.
In which the patron finds the vehicular accommodations deplorable, does not understand the spacial scheme of the gentlemen's lavatory, and ponders if those suffering from impaired organs of vision were employed for the installation of the disposable towel dispensary:
In which Master Marcus Wahlberg's exposed torso renders the patron repulsed and unable to contemplate battered poultry or grilled cattle, only adding to her befuddlement over the fried potatoes at hand.
In which the patron finds that the lack of cutlery places her in a situation previously only known to canines, wagers the garçon might have an object lodged inside his rectum, and threatens to volley her coin-purse at that same man's cranium.
In which the patron will not tolerate an erroneous lemon slice in his beverage, and fears the staff is conspiring to cast a pox upon him.
In which the patron disagrees with the interior designer's aesthetic vision and implores for vegetables of higher caliber, particularly those of the Daucus carota variety.
In which the patron requests that other patrons involved in fecal tomfoolery outside the establishment alert her to their activities posthaste.