It’s not real cheese
Speaking of processed cheese: it’s not real cheese. It’s made with real cheese, sure. That, plus emulsifiers, vegetable oils, sodium citrate, and “various dairy by-products,”” -- which, incidentally, was the working title of O-Town’s seminal Y2K hit, “Liquid Dreams.”*
American cheese is what’s known as “cheese product.” Cheese comes in wheels, or wedges, or blocks. Cheese product, on the other hand, comes in what’s known as “loaf,” a culinary term second only to “McRib” in its flagrant disregard for nature’s will.
Look, I’m all for artificial ingredients. Bring on the GMOs. Preserve the ever-living fuck out of my produce so it’ll fucking live forever. I’ll eat whatever you put in front of me. But how dare you tell me that this is the good shit? How dare you blaspheme before Our Lord And Savior Red Meat™ and slather on some cheese product, when there a dizzying array of more qualified dairy options? How dare you?