SpaghettiOs w/ Meatballs by Kevin Alexander
What they taste like: If I had to guess how many times during my childhood I ate these things, my low-end theory would be somewhere around eleventy million. I think this was the food my parents fed me whenever they didn't feel like preventing me from ingesting ferrous sulfate. And now, as I'm eating it again, it tastes like hot, watery red sauce, as if someone heated up a kettle of tea, but instead of a English Breakfast tea bag, they used a tomato-with-a-hint-of-garlic tea bag. The pasta itself is small and slippery, and goes down my throat before I can really chew it and learn its meaning. On the other hand, the meatballs are marvelous. I think. They're also really small, and I can't distinguish what kind of meat is in them. I'm too afraid to look at the ingredients. I assume it's elk and lion. They kind of taste like secrets.
Are they as good as you remember?: No. Because I remember being the happiest person in the world eating SpaghettiOs, and now I'm merely kind of enthused that I'm almost finished.
How can they be adapted for an adult palate?: I have to admit something right here -- I only made it halfway through before I doused this sucker with a healthy dose of Sriracha. And that made it kind of glorious again. Vive la ferrous sulfate!