Forget being like Mike. In the '90s, there was only one person every child wanted to be, and it was Kevin McAllister. The dude had alarmingly proficient booby-trap skills, watched Angels with Filthy Souls whenever he damn well pleased, and created the most perfect putdown: "Buzz, your girlfriend. Woof."
But a lot of us fixated particularly hard on his food experiences, which critics have rightfully deemed "the height of luxury". Not every McAllister meal was created equal, though. With their ABC Family dominance fast approaching, we decided to rank the brief but memorable list of everything Kevin eats in Home Alone and Home Alone 2: Lost in New York -- except the Tic Tacs, because THAT WOULD BE RIDICULOUS.
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We know Kev's done well when Rob Schneider opens the door to his cavernous suite in Home Alone 2, but when he sneaks that peek inside the minibar, we realize our man's hit the jackpot. Fresh, individually wrapped cookies and jelly beans in a fancy glass jar? What is this, The Plaza?! Oh. Right.
5. A "lovely cheese pizza"
While those snacks were pretty sweet, they can't beat the satisfaction of devouring an entire pizza by yourself -- especially when you've spent your childhood fighting that bed-wetter Fuller for even a slice. We do have to dock some points for presentation (we never see inside the box) and lack of creativity (just cheese, man?), but, to be fair, this is exactly what we would've ordered as 8-year-olds.
4. Microwaved mac 'n cheese
We have seen a nuked Kraft family dinner in the flesh, and never once has it looked as beautiful as the stuff Kevin plates right before his maiden battle with Marv and Harry. Seriously, look at that shine! Technically, Kevin runs off before he can dig in, but we have to believe he returned to that otherworldly mac (and milk goblet) the second Old Man Marley knocked the Wet Bandits out.
3. Homemade ice cream sundae
In his first flush of freedom, Kevin composes an ice cream sundae that delighted children and horrified dentists in equal measure. That thing was repping at least a dozen scoops -- in all different flavors, 'cause the kid's a renegade -- topped with a kilo of chocolate syrup and cherries on cherries. Naturally, he paired his gooey mountain with a bag of Crunch Tators (RIP) and a can of Pepsi. We assume his eventual sugar-crash nap was just as glorious as the feast.
The first effort was admirable, but there's no beating the Plaza professionals at the sundae game. This dessert buffet was everything our elementary school ice cream socials were not, and, to make things sweeter, it came with a clip of the most important fake sequel of our time, Angels with Even Filthier Souls. Big moment for guys named Cheeks and Little Moe the world over.
1. Limo pizza
Eating pizza in a stretch limo with a flute of Coke while the original How the Grinch Stole Christmas plays on TV was and remains the ultimate childhood fantasy. There's just no question here. Well, except maybe one: how has Drake not written a million songs about this? The people are waiting, Drizzy.
Kristin Huntis a Food/Drink staff writer for Thrillist, and feels Home Alone 3 was the biggest betrayal of her childhood. Follow her to Alex Linz hate groups at @kristin_hunt.