The Soap Eater
The self-serve soap-cutting table is not full of candy, it is full of soap. Do not eat the soap. Why do you always eat the soap?!
The Manager Narc
"Can I talk to your manager?" are every employee's least-favorite words, other than "When is the baby due?" It's tough enough being the face of problems you have no control over (sale items priced incorrectly, long lines, asparagus costing $5/lb). It only makes matters worse when someone feels the need to blame you directly to your superior.
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Dan Gentile is a staff writer on Thrillist's national food and drink team. His favorite awful Whole Foods customer is the Soap Eater. Follow him to never eating sanitary products at @Dannosphere.