When I was a server in high school I accidentally walked apron-first into a full-fledged, code-five breakup with nothing but a pitcher of water and a friendly, naive smile. There was crying. There was cursing. Napkins were thrown in faces. I backed away and hid in the bathroom for an hour.
At the time, I had thought this was the most awkward moment that a server could ever invade. Then, I read this recent Reddit thread. Now I know how much worse it could have been. Why don't people have these conversations at home?
Here are some of the high (low?) lights. Warning: you may get some feels.
The Real Reason Chick-Fil-A Is Closed on Sunday
The "Everything is really, really bad"
The "Sorry, I'm in love with your sister"
The "Just to let you know, I had an affair during the Second World War"
The "Mom and dad... I'm gay"
The "I probably shouldn't have shown you that video..."
The "Whoops, we aren't virgins anymore and I don't know why we are telling you this"
The "Please pay your child support... please?!"
The "Hey I'm pregnant," and "Is this your wife or one of your many girlfriends?"
The "Sorry I ruined your proposal, buddy"
The "Hey, I know you from the strip club! Wait, is this your dad?"
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Wil Fulton is a staff writer for Thrillist. He actually blames Gwyneth Paltrow for most of the world's problems. Follow him @wilfulton.