The breast cappuccino ever
“I was running a coffee shop in the early '90s in a nutty-crunchy part of San Diego. We had a regular customer, a young mom, who would bring in a Mason jar with milk in it and ask if we would make a cappuccino for her with her milk. After a while of doing this, the baristas realized it was her own breast milk. They refused to serve her, and asked that I talk to her. I sat down and politely explained that we could no longer make drinks with 'her milk.'.She was puzzled. I explained that many would consider us steaming her breast milk a health violation. She cracked up, it was rice milk. It's still awkward when I run into this person on the street.”
Come at me, bra!
“One time an old woman asked if I was wearing a bra, then full-on grabbed my boob. If it was a dude I would have freaked the fuck out, but since it was an older woman I was lost in emotion. Then she went and had sex in the bathroom and another server walked in on them."
The little guy made a mess
“I was working at a high-end Mexican restaurant and a guest stopped to let me know that a 'little guy made a mess,' and pointed to the floor. The server assumed it was a pile of black beans and the 'little guy' was one of the short Guatemalan bussers. However, after he threw the mess away, the trash can reeked, and he quickly realized that a toddler had pooped everywhere.”
Dan Gentile is a food/drink staff writer at Thrillist. His most awkward restaurant story is better than all of these. Follow him to bold-faced lies: @Dannosphere.