Food & Drink

This Chain's Caesar Salad Has More Calories Than Most Bacon Cheeseburgers

Published On 11/15/2016 Published On 11/15/2016

Salad haters, rejoice -- your aversion to all things green might not be so bad after all.

Data experts at a health research firm called HealthGrove just released a study that compared the calorie count of a single Cheesecake Factory Caesar salad against a lineup of national fast-food and fast-casual chain cheeseburgers. The smarty-pants analysts found that a full 40 of these delicious, all-American sandwiches came in well under the Caesar's 1,280 calories, many beating the salad by 500 calories or more. And to every carnivore’s delight, the low(er)-cal list even included a handful of bacon-topped variations specially crafted to meet all your guilt-free, sodium-craving needs.

Behold these nine greasy wonders, each defying all odds by out-healthy-ing a simple salad.

Denny's Bacon Avocado Cheeseburger 

1,030 calories
The breakfast king’s 100% beef patty comes equipped with melted cheddar cheese, bacon, fresh avocado slices, mayo, lettuce, tomato, red onions, and pickles, and is best consumed alongside a chocolate milkshake between the hours of 1am and 4am.

Applebee's Bacon Cheddar Cheeseburger 

970 calories
Applebee's describes its burgers as "thick 'n hearty" and we're not one to argue. With cheddar cheese, applewood-smoked bacon, tomato, onion, pickles, and a toasted bakery bun, it's no wonder Coach Taylor swore by this thing. Clear eyes, full belly, can't lose.  

Jack in the Box Bacon Ultimate Cheeseburger

930 calories
Any fast-food menu item containing the word "ultimate" is bound to be better than pretty much anything else on order, so you know this one's going to be a real winner. And with two beef patties, both American and Swiss cheese, mayo, mustard, ketchup, and three slices of bacon all piled on a fat, buttery bun, it's definitely not screwing around.

Five Guys Bacon Cheeseburger

920 calories
Five Guys is obviously known for its perfectly plump patties, so adding bacon and cheese is a natural improvement -- both to your burger and to your life. Enjoy.

Chili's Classic Bacon Burger with Cheese

890 calories
Take it from Chili's -- there ain’t nothing wrong with a classic. Especially when it's stuffed full of applewood-smoked bacon, sharp cheddar cheese, house-made garlic dill pickles, lettuce, tomato, red onions, and a coating of the national roadhouse's tangy signature sauce. And at 890 calories, you might even be able to squeeze in a frozen margarita before hitting the Caesar's calorie mark.

Wendy's Baconator Cheeseburger

950 calories
Almost 1,000 calories isn't anything to laugh at, but with thick-cut applewood-smoked bacon, two ¼lb patties, cheese, mayo, ketchup, and a ridiculous six strips of griddled bacon, neither is Wendy's big, beefy Baconator. Also, I think we can all agree it totally wins for best name.

Red Robin Bacon Cheeseburger

994 calories
"Bacon. It makes everything better," Red Robin declares on its epic burger menu. Except salad. Nothing makes salad better. The choice is clear.

Sonic Drive-In Bacon Cheeseburger

820 calories
Next time you pull into a Sonic, skip the Breakfast Toasters and chili-cheese coney dogs and head straight for this American cheese-hugged beef patty sporting mayo, lettuce, tomatoes, and two slices of heaven (i.e., bacon). And strangely enough, Sonic's nutritional info states that it also supplies 30% of your daily calcium needs. Take that, salad.

Whataburger Bacon and Cheese Whataburger

740 calories
It's no secret that this Texas fast-food favorite dishes up the best burgers ever, and this American cheese- and bacon-smothered winner is no exception. What-a-damn-burger is right (and salad is so wrong).

There's hope for salad-heads yet, though. According to diet and nutrition site MyFitnessPal, Cheesecake Factory's "Skinnylicious Caesar Salad" has just 303 calories per order. So if you're really, really craving some creamy romaine, you'll probably want to opt for the skinny version... with a side of bacon cheeseburger.

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Meredith Heil is a staff writer for Thrillist. The hustle and hunger, all she wanted was a (bacon) cheeseburger. Follow her @mereditto.

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