In the past, the world's greatest confectionists cooped themselves up in factories of imagination/morality, but today's candy inventor needs to have their finger on the pulse of the public. And what courses through the veins of the modern man? Bacon. And blood. And Sriracha.
So in the greatest Sriracha innovation since Huy Fong-flavored vodka, and the best bacon breakthrough since smartphone scent notifications, the Austin, TX sugar wizards at Lollyphile have created a bacon-Sriracha lollipop. So what's the thing taste like?
Feast Your Eyes on the Torpasta
It tastes like a good joke gone bad. It's missing Huy Fong's trademark red jalapeño kick, which is replaced by a sickly citric acid sweetness and a hint of garlic. The peppered magic of bacon is also absent -- instead, there's a fiercely scientific-tasting pork umami blast. It is not nearly as Sriracha-y as Sriracha OR as bacon-y as bacon.
Essentially, this thing tastes like an Atomic Fireball made on a day when a guy working at the Ferrara Candy Company factory was feeling particularly vengeful, and replaced the cinnamon with deli ham from his lunch pail.
THE VERDICT: As novelty candy is concerned, it's a total success! It makes your eyes bulge, your hair fly back, and your mind dance in circles before realizing that you want it out of your mouth immediately.
So how many licks does it take to get to the center? We doubt anyone will ever find out.
Dan Gentile is a staff writer on Thrillist's National Food/Drink team who has taste-tested everything from the Big Mac to the Big King. He also enjoys hating mustard. Follow him to pots of gold/Twitter at @Dannosphere.