"This is," she says, pointing at a shot of construction cone-orange sea buckthorn extract. "And, I'd say, coconut oil? Coconut water? Coconut water, definitely."
I pluck -- or should I say gather -- a bottle of sea buckthorn out of the refrigerator case. The marketing copy says it was "wild-crafted from the Tibetan Himalayas." I'm noticing a pattern here. I take a sip. It has a nice floral nose on it, but is possibly the sourest thing I've ever tasted.
Know what would be beautiful right now? A beer.
Because I'm a journalist and believe in honesty, I will tell you that I ate pizza later in the week. But I drank smoothies every morning containing Collagen Inner Beauty Boost, or Beauty Dust, a powdered smoothie additive from Moon Juice that comes in a tin that looks like it should hold a candle. Instead of coffee, I drank beauty tea at work. Every night, after dinner, I drank a bottle of Dirty Lemon Skin + Hair and then slept the dreamless sleep of the immortal.
The last day, I made a mistake. On the container of Beauty Dust, it says not to be afraid to double dose. On Moon Juice's website, a reviewer named Inez M. says she thinks the brown powder tastes like "a light version of cocoa." So I decided to add a second daily serving to my routine, drinking it in a glass of almond milk. Despite enthusiastic stirring, the powder resisted dissolving into the milk. When I drank it, in clumps, it tasted like a coffee-flavored creamer farted into a pile of stevia. I nearly lost all the other beauty foods I'd eaten that morning, but I finished the glass. The experiment was complete.