You're trying too hard. It's not working. Actually, maybe try harder.
While the healthier take on the cold "salad" is often delicious and appreciated, there's no way that anything on your plate will make it to your mouth without a little oily speck of quinoa on it, and we just can't abide.
As with quinoa, there’s no way anything that shares a plate with couscous is going to get into your mouth without some little grains on it, which isn’t necessarily bad unless you’re also loaded up on watermelon. So why is it ranked higher than quinoa? Because it’s the food so nice they named it twice, and the dad joke possibilities are endless.
The chances that these are going to end up looking like translucent, unfurled, slightly charred hunks of Fruit by the Foot are far to high for you to waste time hand-cutting each and every strip and slicing your hand for something nobody's really going to eat.
Corn's great, but it suffers when it's paired up with nobody's favorite vegetable, the lima bean. We're glad your grandmother shared this recipe with you, but we'd honestly rather just hear you talk about how great she was while we eat non-tainted corn.
Wrap 'em in foil and toss them to the side of the grill. Huzzah! Crispy home fries! Or, more commonly, accidental crispy mashed potatoes. Either way, they get a pass. Barely.
These things are delicious and versatile, yes. They can just be bacon-wrapped jalapeños. Or somebody can stuff them with cheese and call them poppers. Or incorporate chicken into them. Or call them something gross, like Kermit Fingers. The only thing that really takes these down is the labor involved. If you’re the one making them, they’re going to take you an inordinate amount of effort. And if you’re just eating them, whoever made them is going to go on and on and on about how much of a pain in the ass they were to make. Probably while calling them Kermit Fingers. Hey, who the hell invited Rick anyway?
If you get it fresh out of the cooler, this is essential, especially alongside some pulled pork or a juicy burger. But once it comes out to the table, you're working with a ticking time bomb, one that tends to sweat creamy bullets all over the plate. And when you get to the bottom, it's basically like some horrifying soup just waiting to ruin your buns. Coleslaw is a race: one that's worth running if you're fast, but not for the fun run that is grazing all day on a cookout spread.