Our Favorite Girl Scout Cookies, Ranked
See how the new caramel brownie cookie fairs.
It's Girl Scout Cookie season, and our nation's best and brightest young ladies are out and about selling their baked goods to any American looking to get a merit badge in shamelessly housing a whole box of Thin Mints. It's also the time of year when grown-ups get into heated debates about which cookie is the best. Well, we're adults here, too. And with new flavors—like the Adventurefuls—vying with the old, we decided to obey the oath and make the world a better place... by ranking them all.
There is but a single sleeve of these when you open up the super-thin box. It's like the Girl Scouts are saying, "We know you're not going to like these, or else we would've packed two sleeves in there." They taste a little sandy.
Despite being strange-tasting, these citrus-spiked shortbreads are kind of impossible to stop eating.
7. Do-si-dos/Peanut Butter Sandwich
Initially, Do-si-dos taste a lot like the Lance Toast Chee peanut butter sandwich crackers that were popular in my middle school. The aftertaste is a lot like those Toast Chee crackers too. They're lucky I don't mind a Toast Chee every now and then. But seriously, did a Girl Scout accidentally pack Lance ToastChee crackers into my Girl Scout Cookie box? No. No, she did not, because Girl Scouts do not work the assembly line at a cookie factory. This is just what Do-si-dos tastes like. This is a cookie that doesn't taste like a snack-based dessert.
6. Caramel Chocolate Chip
For the little scout with celiac disease, the caramel chocolate chip rendition offers up a treat that tastes a bit like a granola bar. But now she also has to contend with the other scouts who claim they're on a gluten-free diet just because they think it's healthy. So... call it a wash?
These cookies are described as brownie-inspired, which is a little bit misleading based on how dry and crumbly they are. There’s a dusty cocoa-flavor but not the rich fudginess you’d expect from a brownie. If the caramel creme on top was gooey, similar to stickiness that enrobes Samoas, maybe this cookie would be ranked higher and provide a contrast in texture. Instead, the creme is a bit dry as well as one note—tasting of only sugar, and not the rich depth you’d want in anything caramel-flavored.
When else does anyone eat shortbread? When it's Girl Scout Cookie season, and no other time. Let us take a moment to exalt the mere existence of this shortbread cookie, the snack-food version of the Yeti.
3. Thin Mints
The crispiness of this wafer—the Girl Scouts do not call it a cookie on the box, strangely—is the secret to why it's so damn good. Its thinness makes you feel like it's barely there. It takes a minimal amount of effort for the wafer to yield to your mouth, and within no time, a minty bite permeates that place where your taste buds live. It only loses points because it denies that it's a cookie. And when I buy Girl Scout Cookies, I expect to eat cookies. On the other hand, it's the best wafer you'll ever have in your life.
2. Samoas/Caramel deLites
I hated anything with coconut in it as a kid—it was like math homework for my taste buds. Now I eat foods prepared with coconut oil and drink coconut water like I live in Thailand and it's cheap (sadly, I do not live in Bangkok, and it is not cheap). But I always loved Samoas. They were the exception to my coconut-free childhood. In adulthood, my love of Samoas has only grown, as they combine dark chocolate, toasted coconut, and a cookie with a hole in it. For some reason, the hole adds to the magical quality of the cookie. It's no bigger than my palm, and yet the Girl Scouts stiff me on the middle of a cookie?! It makes me love the cookie even more. And it's an actual cookie. So... in your face, Thin Mints.
1. Tagalongs/Peanut Butter Patties
The Tagalong is not just the best Girl Scout Cookie—it might be the best cookie ever made. Think about what goes into a Tagalong: you've got a crispy cookie layer, a fluffy cookie layer, a peanut butter layer, and then all of that is covered in chocolate. It's basically a Reese's with better mouthfeel—and you get 15 of them in one pack! Speaking of which, if Reese's wants to come out with a 15-pack, I would welcome that with flabby, open arms.
The Tagalong is a multitude of flavors and textures that combine to form something truly greater than the sum of its parts. You can have your Thin Mints and your Samoas and your Trefoils—I won't blame you, they're all delicious. But the Tagalong is the greatest Girl Scout Cookie of all time, and it will continue to be until chocolate and peanut butter stop being the best flavor combination of all time.