Jack in the Box: Curly fries
There’s a strong temptation at Jack to go with the tacos, because really the very fact that tacos exist as a side item to be paired with a burger is just another reason why we live in the best damn country on Earth. Unfortunately, those tacos are gross. Curly fries, on the other hand, are never gross. They’re the only logical choice here.
KFC: Mashed potatoes
Getting KFC without getting mashed potatoes, among some of the more-violent sects of picnic culture, is punishable by being forced to eat a cold Famous Bowl in the Honey Bucket.
It’s seriously amazing that McDonald’s fries taste exactly the same, every single time. When you think of them, you can taste them. When you crave them, you know exactly what they’ll taste like. More importantly, though, if anyone asked you to have a Big Mac with a side salad or a tube of Go-Gurt, you would straight punch them directly in the trachea. And, well, those are pretty much the only sides aside from fries. Except apple slices, which, again, protect ya neck.
More than even the hipster hordes, Sonic deserves some credit for the re-popularization of tots, reclaiming the golden little potato nuggets from the purgatorial trays of high school lunches and bringing them to grown-ups. Hell, you don’t even need to upgrade to cheese tots to make them good. That said, you should upgrade to cheese tots.