News alert from 10yrs ago: we don't really care about pictures of your poolside feet paired with whatever you ate poolside. That's why you should totally follow these game-changers, whose Twitter-food prowess ranges from cautionary tales to actual food porn. Minus the feet... unless you're Quentin Tarantino, in which case, subscribe to @umathurmansfeetwithasandwich right now.
Is This $2k Gold Pizza Worth It?
The Tweeter: David Chang (@davidchang) Momofuku mastermind; purveyor of deliciousness; early adopter. Sample Tweet: "I no longer believe in blanching vegetables. Blanching is stupid. There I said it."
The Tweeter: Big Gay Ice Cream(@biggayicecream) Manned by Cooking Channel talking heads, this sassy ice cream truck-turned-parlor specializes in off-the-wall flavors of deliciousness, as well as bizarro Twitpics that you should follow both for said pics and location (the truck tours all over the place). Sample Tweet: "I worship @_FloridaMan and his love of prescription painkillers, naked golf-cart rides, and blackout Robitussin chugging!"
The Tweeter: Real Carrot Facts (@RealCarrotFacts) The world's most intelligent vegetable, who drops science on why you should eat him, carrot history, and more. Sample Tweet: "Benjamin Franklin did not invent the carrot, but he was fat and balding. (History)"
The Tweeter: The Beer Wench (@TheBeerWench) An extreme craft-beer aficionado who also happens to be a hot chick who loves sports. Plus, we think that's actually a picture of her? Sample Tweet: "Wings + leftover pizza + IPA + football = my night ;)"
The Tweeter: Coffee Dad (@coffee_dad) Just a good old-fashioned guy who loves coffee, and tells you daily when he's making it, sans any details or appropriate use of hashtags. He's also totally real. Sample Tweet: "drinking# some coffee#"
The Tweeter: Drunk Hulk (@DRUNKHULK) Apparently, whiskey makes Bruce Banner angry. Hulk may not write much about food and drink, but Hulk has already definitely indulged... as evidenced by a permanent caps lock and not-great grammar. Not to be confused with Jaded Punk Hulk. Sample Tweet: "SIR MIX-A-LOT TURN 50 TODAY! DRUNK HULK WORRY IF HE NOT MAKE NEW ALBUM SOON! THEY TAKE AWAY HIS KNIGHTHOOD!"
The Tweeter: Food Porn (@FoodPorn) A feed dedicated to Twitpics of sexy food, then either sexualizing it or philosophizing on it. Sample Tweet: "Blood is thicker than water but maple syrup is thicker than blood. So technically, pancakes are more important than family"
The Tweeter: Eddie Huang (@MrEddieHuang) Bauhaus restaurateur, Fresh Off the Boat author, TV personality, culture-shock observer. Sample Tweet: "AHHH F*** U CHINA! I GOT A (virtual private network) NOW! Im like NWA bussin' thru the great fire wall right now" (In reference to tweeting from the heavily internet-censored China.)
The Tweeter: Neil Hamburger (@neilhamburger) "America's $1 Funnyman", owner of the world's greatest grimace, and supporter of every chain restaurant he experiences on the road. Sample Tweet: (In reference to Applebees): "As in 'mmmmy God! My stomach is ulcerating! Get me to an emmmmergency room! @Applebees: Things that make you go mmmm"