1. Dairy Queen Oreo Blizzard
Price: $3.69 (medium)
Preface: For several years in the late '00s, the DQ location that sold me this Blizzard was featured as the Alamo Freeze in the critically-lauded TV show Friday Night Lights, of which I am a big fan. So when the kind counter woman turned the Blizzard upside down before my very eyes, I imagined her as star running back Smash Williams. I'm sure she imagined never seeing me again.
Coldness: It is not suggested you try to turn the Blizzard upside down yourself, because it starts melting immediately. Still, this thing is cold enough that your teeth will hate you afterwards.
Strengths: Amazing flavor, texture, and temperature.
Tasting notes: Holy cow this is good. These things should come with a severe weather warning because this Blizzard could do some serious damage. It's the perfect deconstruction of the Oreo: big, crunchy chunks of cookie, ice cream that tastes like the white stuff, and textural bits of chocolate. It succeeds on every level and thus is worthy of being crowned the king of frozen desserts.
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Dan Gentile is a staff writer on Thrillist's national food and drink team. He has a new-found respect for Dairy Queen and ice cream stains all over his car. Follow him to sugar highs at @Dannosphere.