1. Lucky Me! La Paz Batchoy
Opening this little packet was like opening a science kit: Inside there were four more little packets, including a tube of some weird garlic paste, some crispy fried onions, and a bunch of little balls that looked and tasted like burnt Grape Nuts. But when they hit the soup, they were revealed to be dehydrated meatballs, which would be gross if they didn't taste so good, especially as part of a package that tasted like extra-thin noodles marinated in steak drippings. Okay fine, the meatballs weren't great. But we'll excuse that since this is the only really legit soup substitute of the bunch.
Andy Kryza is Thrillist's National Eat/Drink Senior Editor, and has proudly lived vegetable-free since 2001. Follow his adventures/slow decline via Twitter at @apkryza.