It's the day after Thanksgiving. You're hungover from turkey. You're hungover from cocktails. You're hungover from turkey cocktails. But "omgColdwaterCreekshavingasale," says your wife/girlfriend/stepsister you have a weird relationship with, like Alicia Silverstone and Paul Rudd in Clueless. You're going to the mall. But that doesn't mean you can't enjoy it... especially if you listen to us, and eat these exact items from the mall food court mainstays:
Sarku Japan What to get: For the love of everything holy, please skip the sushi. Go with the teriyaki chicken w/ veggies and fried rice, or just keep doing laps around the food court and eat a full meal's worth of toothpick-impaled samples.
Wetzel's Pretzels/Auntie Anne's What to get: A pretzel dog, which is both a hot dog wrapped in pretzel dough and what Snoop usually says when you ask, "Want anything from Wetzels?" Or a pizza pretzel, which has no funny joke attached but is still delicious.
Cinnabon What to get: A box of roll-centers -- the Cinnabon equivalent of donut holes -- or get weird and order a McDonald's Quarter Pounder and slip it in the middle of the bun… trust us, it's delicious.
Mrs. Fields What to get: Mrs. Fields is a saucy minx with many flavors, so indulge in them all with a "Nibbler" box of assorted minis. Or just get a cookie cake, then duck into a photo booth and eat it alone while listening to a slow Tracy Chapman ballad on your phone.
Panda Express What to get: The orange chicken is a thing of beauty: part entree, part candy, and all befuddlingly delicious. You smell it the minute you walk into any mall, even if there isno Panda Express.
Jamba Juice What to get: The Pomegranate Pick-Me-Up, full of berries and raspberry sorbet that's not to be confused with the Prince song. Add the "boost" of your choice, but take heed: they know that one of their flatbread pizzas doesn't count as one, even if you ask them to put it in the blender.