There are people who like ranch, and then people who really f*cking like ranch. Count me in the latter camp. So much so that I have postulated a theory, and sent it to numerous scientific journals: take food, add ranch, and that food will be exponentially improved.
Ranch + food = deliciousness²
Now there are some idiosyncratic but obvious examples that illustrate this point: pizza, salad, eggs, steak, etc. But to truly test the limits of my hypothesis, I knew I had to break all boundaries of common culinary sense and put ranch on things that have never had ranch on them before.
The following is my harrowing (and unsurprisingly delicious) account. This is your trigger warning.