In possibly the dumbest marketing move since... well, ever, BJ's Restaurant & Brewhouse has announced that the first couple to name their child "Quinoa" will receive $10,000... in restaurant gift cards.
Yep, not Amazon gift cards, or iTunes gift cards, or even Jiffy Lube gift cards: $10,000 worth of meals at a restaurant you may or may not live anywhere close to, and may or may not actually like. The whole thing's an effort to promote the chain's new Quinoa Bowls, and it's kind of a genius one, except for the fact that we could easily see someone doing it. And that thought terrifies us.
Not expecting a bundle of soon-to-be-poorly-named joy? Have no fear: if you change your first name to Quinoa on Twitter before July 6th, you'll receive a coupon for $10 off a purchase of $35. Way more reasonable, at least if you know where to find one of the 159 BJ's locations across the country.
If you're the kind of person who never backs down from a dare, you've got until Labor Day to induce labor and claim your questionable reward. And, of course, the rest of your life to be a terrible parent.
Gianni Jaccoma is a staff writer for Thrillist, and he wouldn't even name his cat Quinoa. Follow his grain-based tweets @gjaccoma, and send your news tips to firstname.lastname@example.org