Well no, he didn't. (Probably.) But some guy named Justin did, and he's got just as much sarcasm and anger as good old Gordie.
In a job listing posted on Gumtree, Justin seeks someone "fast, progressive, and not a total ****" for his new restaurant in Scotland. After insisting he just wants a chef who can work unsupervised on the off-chance he gets ill (and slamming eggs Benedict), he launches into a multi-paragraph tirade. A few notable quotables?
1. "Last time I was hiring for a place I got over 400 CVs. You know how long it takes to read 400 CVs? Too f*cking long. So don't waste anyone's time."
2. "The money is sh*t. It's £7/hour and a cut of the tips. Don't ask for more because I don't have it."
3. "I'm dead serious about the money thing. Don't come to an interview and then say it sounds great but you've got your kid's school clothes to buy or whatever. I don't care. There's no money."
4. "Chances are that 25-35 hours will actually be 45 right off the bat, but I'm not offering that right now because the doors aren't even open and I've never met you."
5. "You like weird condiments? Great. Me too. You have no idea what I'm talking about? Then please, PLEASE, don't apply for this job. I have way too much sh*t to do in the next six weeks to be interviewing people I'm never going to hire."
6. "What you cannot do is be a pain in my balls because my life savings is on the line and I have to work with my wife all day so I don't have time for any primadonna bullsh*t."
7. "If you think I sound like an obnoxious d*ckhead, congratulations. You are observant and will go far in life. Don't let it discourage you, though. I'm only a d*ckhead for the first three years you know me. After that I'm a total sweetheart."
There's some actually encouraging stuff buried in the text, but clearly, you can't dick around with Justin. Good luck to any chefs who apply for this diner gig. You may need it.
Kristin Hunt is a Food/Drink staff writer for Thrillist, and doesn't get the eggs Benedict hate. Follow her to hollandaise sauce at @kristin_hunt.