6. "What you cannot do is be a pain in my balls because my life savings is on the line and I have to work with my wife all day so I don't have time for any primadonna bullsh*t."
7. "If you think I sound like an obnoxious d*ckhead, congratulations. You are observant and will go far in life. Don't let it discourage you, though. I'm only a d*ckhead for the first three years you know me. After that I'm a total sweetheart."
There's some actually encouraging stuff buried in the text, but clearly, you can't dick around with Justin. Good luck to any chefs who apply for this diner gig. You may need it.
Kristin Hunt is a Food/Drink staff writer for Thrillist, and doesn't get the eggs Benedict hate. Follow her to hollandaise sauce at @kristin_hunt.