If you thought your friend in Chicago was intense about no ketchup on hot dogs, we invite you to meet Jay Jerrier. Jerrier owns Dallas pizzeria Cane Rosso, a pie establishment with serious cred (they're VPN-certified!) and a serious zero ranch tolerance policy. Should you dare to ask for a side of Hidden Valley to dip your crust in, the management'll charge you a neat $1,000.
Anyone who's been to Cane Rosso, or just Reddit, will be familiar with Jerrier's hilarious wall display of an encased bottle of ranch with the $1K pricetag posted alongside. On the Internet, it was met with both respect from serious pizza enthusiasts and mock outrage from people who sleep with ranch under their pillows. Jerrier insists it's just a joke, but admits not a lot of people ask him for ranch, presumably out of deep-set fear. (Ironically, that's not even close to the case at his other pizza joint, Zoli's.) Approach the dressing only if you're feeling brave, or consider ranch your favorite beverage.
Kristin Hunt is a food/drink staff writer for Thrillist. Now that she knows "in case of emergency, break glass" cases are so easily attainable, she will be putting an untold number of mundane food products in them. Follow her at @kristin_hunt.