What fresh hell is this?! We didn't want to believe it either, but when we asked Etherton if the rumors about pizza were true, he couldn't lie: "The problem you run into with pizza is that it’s sort of like you’re being clobbered with large amounts of three items. The crust is high in carbs and sodium, and then, depending on cheese, it could have a fair amount of fat and sodium, and the sauce is usually prepared, so it’s also high in sodium. And that's not even counting whatever you put on it." He says you can undo some of the damage by ordering a whole-wheat crust pizza with olive oil, sliced tomatoes, and goat cheese, but we're too busy weeping into our pepperoni pie to hear him.
You probably picked up on the fact that sodium = bad in our chip discussion. But while most people know potato chips are full of the stuff, they tend to overlook another huge source: canned soups. Even those tiny cans of Campbell's that Andy Warhol worshipped can contain 600-800mg of sodium apiece. And while we're at it, canned veggies and the store-prepared meals in your supermarket are pretty potent sodium-bombs as well. We're usually tricked by these sodium sneak attacks because, as Etherton notes, "only 10% of the salt we eat comes from the shaker. The other 90% is hidden in the foods we eat." Which means that Morton girl was probably a covert operative in another life.
Butter-, mayo-, or sour cream-laden foods
Bad news for anyone modeling their lifestyle on Paula Deen's: butter is not great for you. (Also, you can't actually ride Emilio Estevez's hoodie strings.) Along with mayo and sour cream, it's a spread that's particularly high in saturated fat -- and all three have some cholesterol to consider, too. Just don't make the mistake of fully embracing margarine in its stead. "One of the tricky things is people say they’re going to substitute their butter for margarine," Etherton says. "But some margarines are high in saturated fat or trans fat. So they might not have cholesterol, but they have plenty of other stuff that's not great for you." Basically, be sure to choose your butter subs wisely. And don't let freakin' Fabio lead you astray.
Kristin Hunt is a Food/Drink staff writer for Thrillist, and hopes she has at least a few more years before she has to switch to goat cheese pizza. Follow her at @kristin_hunt.