Which country eats the most cheese?!

Pizza. Mozzarella sticks. Nachos. These are the cornerstones of the American diet, along with -- if we're looking for something different -- bacon weave mac & cheese quesadillas. So it should come as a pretty big surprise to learn that, well, when it comes to countries that consume the most cheese, we're not even close to the top.

"No whey!" you might exclaim, (un?)intentionally making a cheese pun. But it's true -- the International Dairy Federation, that arbiter of all that is gouda, has decreed that France is the world's top eater of cheese, consuming 56.98lbs of cheese per capita in 2013. America's not in second place, either. That title goes to Iceland, at 55.44lbs per capita. And so on down the list, with Finland, Germany, Estonia, Switzerland, Italy...

We don't even break the top 10. The chart released by the International Dairy Federation had to add a special highlighted section ("middle of the road" cheese consumption) just so we could know where we stand, which is at 33.88lbs per capita. DO BETTER. EAT MORE CHEDDAR.

Adam Lapetina is a Food/Drink staff writer for Thrillist, and is, frankly, appalled. Read his musings at @adamlapetina.