2. The Cranker
Town Hall Lanes, Minneapolis
Approximate Calorie Count: 910
(1,136 with fries). It may cause you to roll down the lane, yourself.
Start with an already-massive burger, top it with jalapeno, potato (!), deep-fried onions, horse jack cheese, and Sriracha cream, then side it with fries, and what do you get? You get fat. In a good way. And also in a hurry. Good thing this place is also a bowling alley, so you can "work off those calories" (ha! Bowling!).
And what does their "bacon-crusted" burger look like?