Fall starts this weekend, and while the trees shed those precious leaf-based pounds, you should be packing them on so you don't have to worry about feeding during your hibernation period. Wait, what? Humans don't do that? Huh. Anyways, to help you choose the most efficient way to get your fill in preparation for the colder weather, we've rounded up some of the craziest colossal-calorie-count cuisine, from fried deviled eggs to a jalapeno-, cheese-, and special sauce-laden four-patty monster burger. Settle down in your cave and be content, friends.