This Fruit Is So Damn Adorable I Don't Even Know if I Want to Eat It

I've been exposed to my share of adorable foods: bento boxes, macarons in general, this lil' teddy bear in an adorable egg blanket just napping away. None of it warmed my cold, cynical, East Coast heart -- until these fucking precious cucamelons came into my life and immediately turned me into a twee little melon-lovin' ninny.

See for yourself, tough guy. You know you'd pinch these melon's cheeks if melons had cheeks.

Also commonly referred to as a Mexican sour gherkin (lolol), cucamelons are a vine-growing plant, approximately the size of a common grape, and tastes like a little sweet cucumber with some light sourness. Kind of like a Sour Patch Kid. But, completely opposite, actually. 

They look like wee little watermelons and it's making my black heart explode.

Surprisingly, the easiest way to get your hands on a sour gherkin is to grow them yourself, as seeds are cheap and fairly simple to grow in most home gardens.

You'd be hard-pressed to find these lil' guys at any major fruit outlets right now (supermarkets, delis, garbage cans outside Jamba Juice, etc.) so if you really are adverse to growing cucamelons/waiting several months to eat one, your best bet may be to scoping out local farmers' markets. If not, you can always paint your grapes green and try not to think too hard.

It's like if that sneezing baby panda, a clumsy baby elephant, and that monkey wearing the coat in IKEA came together and genetically engineered a fruit just lil' enough for their tiny lil' hands.  

I'd stop the world and melt with these cucamelons if I didn't have so much other stuff to do today. But I do. Shit sucks.

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Wil Fulton is a staff writer for Thrillist. He's half the man he used to be. Follow him: @wilfulton.