There's a lot to admire about diner waiters. They are impossibly fast, never seem to drop anything, and talk in a secret language even more intriguing than Pig Latin. Strike that -- infinitely more intriguing than Pig Latin. You'd have to log time in an actual 24-hour joint to become fluent in the varied, hilarious diner dialect (and you'd possibly need to brush up on the Bible), but here are a few key terms to get you started. May your dog soup never come tepid, and your first lady always be extra meaty:
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Elephant dandruff: cornflakes
Dog soup: water
Nervous pudding: Jell-O
Blonde with sand: coffee with cream and sugar
Adam and Eve on a raft: two poached eggs on toast
Radio [sandwich]: tuna fish sandwich (because it sounds like "tune a" -- get it??)
Sinkers and suds: coffee and donuts
Bloodhound in the hay: hot dog with sauerkraut
Mystery in the alley: side order of hash browns
Cup of mud/mug of murk: cup of coffee
Wreck 'em: scrambled eggs
Slab of moo, let him chew it: rare rump steak
Noah’s boy on bread: ham sandwich (Noah, of Ark fame, had a son named Ham)
Burn the British: toasted English muffin
Paint it red: put ketchup on it
Cowboy with spurs: Western omelet with French fries
Drag one through Georgia: Coke with chocolate syrup (this one refers to Coca-Cola's HQ state)
Shingle with a shimmy and a shake: toast with butter and jam
Burn one, take it through the garden, and pin a rose on it: burger with lettuce, tomato, and onion
Eve with a lid on it: slice of apple pie (because Eve gave Adam an apple)
Cow feed: salad
Put out the lights and cry: liver and onions
Bronx vanilla/halitosis: garlic
First lady: spare ribs (Eve was the first lady on Earth, and she took Adam's rib)
Twist it, choke it, and make it crackle: chocolate malt milkshake with an egg
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Kristin Hunt is a staff writer for Thrillist, and thinks most of these sound like violent Bop It! commands. Follow her through the garden at @kristin_hunt.