When I got home, I told my girlfriend what had happened. She suggested I try testing myself again, as sometimes these things take a little while, in her esteemed medical opinion.
I went to the drug store and got another drug test -- and chugged some more poppy water, just in case.
As I readied myself over the cup, I somehow knew this time was different. Maybe it was something in the air. Maybe it was my girlfriend's voice, demanding that I "at least do this in the bathroom, and not in the lobby of our building in front of all these people." Maybe it was just woman's intuition that I think I somehow gained by eating thousands of poppy seeds.
Whatever it was, when the piss settled and the test was ready for a gander, I knew that little red line would be absent from the "Opioid" section -- signaling a positive test.