Donald Trump Orders His Steak Like a Damn Fool

If you are a reasonable human being, you've probably reached a point where ignoring every piece of daily drivel regarding Donald J. Trump is as natural as blinking. But this is too big to ignore.

Peppered among the monstrosities inside the recent, illuminating NY Times piece -- where Trump's longtime butler Anthony Senecal dishes on the Donald's private life -- is this indefensible line regarding his steak preference: "It would rock on the plate, it was so well done."

While food lovers far and wide have eloquently defended their right to order a well-done steak, I can objectively say that they are wrong. How do I know? If God intended us to eat our steaks well done, he wouldn't have given us taste buds. It's that simple. And ordering your steak so hard that it rocks on the plate, brings up several important questions about the Donald:

  • Why do people respect this guy?
  • How does he handle a steak knife with his tiny elf-like hands?
  • Does this explain the brutal failure of Trump Steaks?
  • Can you build a sustainable, intra-continental wall with 4 million leftover, rock-hard Trump Steaks?
  • Where did he inherit this garbage trait? Aren't rich people supposed to have good taste?
  • Studies have shown eating well-done meat can mess with your brain -- this explains everything, right?
  • If he can't even order a steak correctly, how can we trust him to be the leader of the free world, and the steaks within it?
  • No seriously, why do people still respect this guy?

The Interweb has been so saturated with Trumpitude the past six months, I've publicly refrained from making any noise about the presumptive GOP nominee, because even shitty press is still attention. And attention is the nightmare fuel that drives the Trump Train. But this only reiterates the seriousness of the mistake roughly 37% of our country is currently willing to make.

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Wil Fulton is a staff writer for Thrillist. Please register to vote. Follow him: @wilfulton.