You Know You've Never Eaten Real Wasabi, Right?
Hey you,
I couldn’t help but notice you eating that sushi. Never mind the fact that you're not supposed to eat it that way. I’m more interested in that green sphere next to your ginger. Wasabi is great, right? The burn in your mouth when it hits your tongue. The way it makes your eyes water. The fact that you're not actually eating wasabi at all.
I know, I know -- it’s probably a shock the $8.99 lunch special which includes miso soup, edamame, and hot sake doesn't also just dole out a some finely grated wasabi, but the fact is, almost all sushi restaurants except the most upscale don’t automatically offer up real wasabi with your sushi, and there's a pretty good chance you've actually never had real wasabi in your life. In fact, a few years ago The Washington Post reported that around 95% of wasabi served in restaurants is not real. But don't fret! You may have actually eaten real wasabi, especially if:
1) You've been to a crazy-nice sushi restaurant with prices that make you slightly uncomfortable and nervous
2) You've been to a pretty damn nice sushi restaurant and you've ordered the omakase, or a lot of sashimi
3) You've noticed that the wasabi at your table is light green with a grated texture, and a more herbal, grassy, slower burn
4) The restaurant had the option of a different wasabi on the menu for a dollar or two more
5) After 20 minutes, your wasabi wasn't nearly as powerful as it was when you first got your plate
6) You unintentionally befriended a wasabi root salesman named Ted while waiting for your table and Ted saw a little bit of his impetuous, sassy, and sweaty younger self in you, so before he left he winked at the server, slipped him a $10, and told him, “Put the real stuff on my buddy’s plate, OK?"
"Well, crap," you say, "I've never been to a sushi restaurant that made me uncomfortable and nervous strictly for monetary reasons, and I make it a point to never make small talk with wasabi root salespeople, so what in Zeus’ name have I been recklessly putting all over my spicy tuna roll in an effort to impress my platonic Tinder friend Rachel?"
More likely than not, you’ve been consuming a mix of regular horseradish, green food dye, Chinese mustard, water, and POSSIBLY wasabi powder. There’s nothing wrong with that -- you're still getting a somewhat satisfying burn and adding some nice spicy notes to your fish and rice -- but it might be worth at least considering throwing down a couple of extra bucks for the real stuff at least once in your life.
If not for yourself, then for Ted.
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Kevin Alexander is Thrillist’s national writer-at-large and will never do anything for anyone named Ted. Allow him to introduce you to his platonic Tinder date Rachel: @KAlexander03.