Food & Drink

Fat Kid Fridays, April 18th edition: The week's most ridiculous eats, ranked by calorie count

Sean Cooley

Next week, KFC's Double Down returns to wreak vengeance on your gut, cholesterol, and idea of what a sandwich actually is. But that bacon-cheese sandwich with fried chicken for buns is somehow only 540 calories, and we at Fat Kid Fridays know you're looking for so much more in your life. The life lesson here might just be that prettier foods are fattier... or that adding a giant slab of foie gras to anything makes life richer, as evidenced by the $100 grilled cheese and the duck burger we found this week.

brenda's crawfish beignets
Brenda's Soul Food Kitchen<br />

4. Crawfish Beignets
Brenda's French Soul Food (San Francisco, CA)
Approximate calorie count: 892
Beignets are little, fluffy pillows of fried dough, like the sophisticated Southern cousin of the donut. But when they're stuffed with little crawdads swimming in a cheesy cheddar sauce, they earn the Southern sass of a belle brought to the big city. 
SF has a few other epic brunch dishes to sample this weekend...

3. Duck Burger Deluxe
Comptoir Gascon (London, UK)
Approximate calorie count: 1,047.5
We wouldn't complain about having a simple ol' duck burger sans deluxe label, since this particular patty is half duck confit and half (the boring half) regular duck. But -- just to cover the duck bases -- the Daffy deluxe gets a slab of foie gras on top. And the way rich foie gras melts into the smoky confit puts the deluxe-less option to shame. 
We've got more under-the-radar burgers in London...

2. Eggs Benedict
Jeffrey's Grocery (New York, NY)
Approximate calorie count: 1,208
Some time during your weekend of brunching -- probably at that confusing point after your second Bloody Mary and before your first mimosa -- you'll get overwhelmed with the brunch menu and fall to old faithful: the startlingly fattening eggs Benedict that definitely has enough calories to stand up to your boozy brunch. Thankfully, if you're at JG, you'll be even better prepared for the next round of drinks, since your order includes pork belly rillettes -- which are just cubes of pork belly slow cooked in their own fat, shredded, and then left to congeal with said fat. 
Wanna see more of NYC's best brunches? We have 'em...

deca restaurant grilled cheese
Deca Restaurant + Bar

1. Zillion Dollar Grilled Cheese 
Deca Restaurant + Bar (Chicago, IL)
Approximate calorie count: 2,687
The formula for ridiculously expensive sandwiches always has two staples: foie gras and truffles. Deca's decadent monster checks off both, while really paying attention to the details with Iberico ham and pricey balsamic. But the real kicker here -- as both your waistline and wallet will notice -- is the side of mac 'n cheese that boasts a solid pound of lobster that went swimming in hot cheese sauce before topping off the gooey pasta. Because no grilled cheese is complete without cheesy pasta. Or 24-karat gold flakes. 
Here's a dollar-by-dollar breakdown of this $100 grilled cheese...

Liz Childers is a food/drink editorial assistant at Thrillist and wishes she could calculate the calories in gold. Follow her to edible metals at @lizchilders1.