1. Da Ultimate Dirty Burger Challenge
Big Chris BBQ Smokehouse (Barrie, Ontario)
Approximate calorie count: 7,622
In the great continental war of fattest country, Canada has politely sat back and let the US and Mexico fight it out -- but now we know what the Great White North is truly capable of, thanks to this monster of a burger that cuts more like a giant birthday cake (editor's note: BBQ sauce > icing). This monstrosity comes packed with six 8oz patties, 2lbs of pulled pork, a vat of poutine, and bacon and cheese layered on every prime-rib patty. We never thought we'd say this... but you win, Canada.
We've also got Ontario options outside Toronto that won't send you to the doctor...
Liz Childers is an editorial assistant on Thrillist's national food/drink team. Her birthday is in July. Please contact her at @lizchilders1 to get shipping information for the bacon-cheeseburger-pulled pork-sandwiches you would like to send in lieu of cake.