Fat Kid Fridays, February 14th edition: the week's most ridiculous eats, ranked by calorie count

It's Valentine's Day, but more importantly it's Fat Kid Friday, a weekly holiday that's all about true love... of the most ridiculous things you can put in your stomach to perk up your heart more than Cupid ever dreamed. And if you forgot it was Valentine's Day until 30secs ago, the bacon-guac-chicken-fry burger below is such a better gift than a box of chocolates.

PYT deep-fried ellio's burger

4. Deep-Fried Ellio's Burger
PYT, Philadelphia
Approximate calorie count: 1,476
We're fairly certain that PYT just sent a kid into their kitchen and told them to go wild and create their weekly special. And that kid should be given a gold medal for fulfilling every Ellio's eaters' dreams.
More glorious burger shots this way...

cali comfort bbq southern mac n cheese
Cali Comfort BBQ

3. Southern Mac N Cheese
Cali Comfort BBQ, San Diego
Approximate calorie count: 1,968
Not content to crush it in the BBQ arena, Cali Comfort goes buckwild with mac and cheese. Slab bacon, creamy cheese, pasta... these are a few of our favorite things. And that totally unnecessary, absolutely-appreciated scoop of sour cream makes this even tastier than that Easy Mac you ate every night in college after you lost one too many games of beer pong. 
San Diego has a few other crazy mac 'n cheeses for you...

wendy's triple baconator

2. Triple Baconator with chicken fingers, guacamole, and fries
Wendy's, various locations
Approximate calorie count: 2,094
Wendy's thought they were wowing our hearts when they rolled out the Baconator, but some young upstart decided to beat them at their own game and threw a custom order of chicken tenders and a small fries onto a triple (!) Baconator. Oh, and then he took the guac off that Baja Salad for good measure. 
This Redditor showed us that Wendy's is totally willing to let you customize your order... 

pin-up pizza
Erik Kabik

Pepperoni Pizza
Pin-up Pizza, Las Vegas
Approximate calorie count: 11,058
Not feeling particularly hungry? Fine, be a wimp and just get one measly 15in slice instead. The mere 1,105 calories in one piece should hold you over until your next meal, but there's a whole pizza here just in case.
We have nine other Vegas openings after you work off that slice...

Liz Childers is a food/drink editorial assistant at Thrillist. She prefers her vegetables with bacon fat, her chicken fried, and her ramen with a bowl of extra chili paste. Follow her @lizchilders1.