Today is Joseph McCarthy's birthday, and that dude was pretty much the worst. But just like he sniffed out all those good-for-nothing commies to save America, we make it our mission to dig up all the good-for-everything fat foods to save your stomach. Except, y'know, when we accuse a food of being fat, it's actually fat, and our mission is to inspire hunger and happiness, not fear and dread. So rejoice in Fat Kid Friday’s reign of bliss with the best fatty foods we found this week, like a gooey bacon-mac grilled cheese and a cheeseburger shoved into a glistening glazed donut.
4. Doh! Nut
PYT (address and info)
Approximate calorie count: 992
We thought it was impossible, but one of PYT's epic Frankenfoods is somehow not the fattest thing on our list. But that doesn't make this decadent donut any less delicious. Named in honor of Homer Simpson's famous phrase (he also loves saying "mmm...") and utilizing his favorite food, this glazed beauty is stuffed with a whole damn cheeseburger and topped with bacon bit "sprinkles". Yeah, this is the greatest "brinner" pastry our eyes (and arteries) have ever beheld.
But you're gonna want to save some room for Philly's other new, bomb-ass burgers too...
3. Mac Daddy
The Melt (address and info)
San Francisco, CA
Approximate calorie count: 1,306
If you've ever had to make the potentially life-altering choice between getting a grilled cheese or a big ol' bowl of mac, well, we're sorry for your hardship. Thankfully, you may never have to live through that again. That is, if you visit SF's The Melt, where you can snag the aged cheddar, macaroni, and bacon-stuffed Mac Daddy sandwich on artisan white bread. So... you should definitely visit The Melt.
This resto just started serving burgers, and you need to check them all out right now...
2. Double Fatso with Cheese
Fatso's Last Stand (address and info)
Approximate calorie count: 1,444
If you were ever called "fatso" during your formative years, well, it's time to reclaim the name in the tastiest way possible. And at this point, why be a lonely, singular Fatso when you could be a DOUBLE FATSO? And when you order this two-pattied, American cheese-smothered, sauced-up beast of a burger, you'll be well on your way. Just try not to scarf down too many, or it really might be your last stand.
This is one of Chi's cheapest eats, and there are oh so many more...
1. Deep-fried Chicken Pot Pie
Approximate calorie count: 2,383
All apologies to Grandma, but, unless she starts heating up that oil, her pot pies just won't have anything on ours. That's because we've put our soggy-crusted past behind us by using the ancient art of deep-frying to ensure golden-brown crispness. Every. Single. Time. But that's not even the best part. These are basically chicken pot hand pies, and you know what that means: they're gonna go great with a shower beer. Or 12.
It's about time you learned how to make this creamy country filling and flaky crust...
Rachel Freeman is a Food/Drink editorial assistant at Thrillist, and hopes Mr. Pendergrass's band classes learn not to make semi-inappropriate McCarthy jokes in history class later today. Follow her to fatness at @rachelifreeman.