1. Slow Cooker Nachos Lasagna
Approximate calorie count: 5,778
Uneven cheese & topping distribution on nachos is something straight out of an Are You Afraid of the Dark? episode, and that show REALLY scared us. But we shall be scared no more, because this slow-cooker nachos lasagna is the answer to everything (literally everything... like you won't have any more problems, probably). This thing is tortilla chips layered up with shredded cheddar, refried beans, Velveeta, salsa, and jalapeños, then cooked slooooow for two hours. And you will also be very slow after you consume all 12 cups of this. For your health.
Stop drooling and just make the damn thing already...
Rachel Freeman and a Food/Drink editorial assistant and would appreciate someone promptly sending her a Derby-Pie. It's what's best for everyone, trust her. Follow her to dreams of pie at @rachelifreeman.