1. Pizza Burger
Approximate calorie count: 7,795
In 2010, Burger King came out with a short-lived, Times Square-exclusive, 9.5in, 2,500cal Pizza Burger, and, while we were impressed and inspired, it just wasn't enough. We needed more. And so we took it upon ourselves to make it happen, because we are self-sufficient, productive members of society. Our copycat pizza burger is a 12in wide, whopping (get it?!?!) 7,795cal beast that uses a huge homemade bun and tons of ground beef, mozzarella, and pepperoni. You could share this with six of your favorite friends, but really, what have they ever done for you? Chew on that, and then chew on this entire thing by yourself, alone, in the dark... for about four days.
If you wanna eat this, you're gonna have to make it first...
Rachel Freeman is a Food/Drink editorial assistant at Thrillist, and had a minor heart attack when she found out about the Twin Peaks revival. Cheese is the Coop to her Audrey. Follow her to the Double R at @rachelifreeman.