1. Five-Patty "Southern-Style" Melt
Extra Fancy (address and info)
Approximate calorie count: 2,115
This is literally a leaning tower of patties that's eventually going to fall into your mouth/stomach/arteries. The epitome of a late-night eat, Extra Fancy serves up a whole variety of melts with different numbers of patties and add-ons. And, well, when faced with the option of adding more patties, there's really only one thing you can reasonably be expected to do: add four. Which is exactly what we did. And we got it "Southern style", which means there's pimento cheese all up in it too, along with the requisite caramelized onions and side of fresh fries. But if that's somehow too much for you (???), you can also get one with fried egg & bacon, or even lobster meat. Just promise us you'll follow your heart. While it's still working.
You're gonna wanna learn a little more about all the melts to shove in your mouth...
Rachel Freeman is a Food/Drink editorial assistant at Thrillist, and is SPOOKED by how delicious all these things sound. Follow her to Log Lady costumes at @rachelifreeman.