Food & Drink

How to Pick the Perfect Condom? Vegetables, Obviously.

Published On 08/27/2015 Published On 08/27/2015
All images by Guan-Hao Pan

As any high school sex-ed class will (and probably did) tell you, condoms are a great way to prevent unwanted pregnancies and/or venereal diseases -- provided said condom actually fits properly. Unfortunately, condom sizing can be a bit confusing, and most packaging gives you no way of knowing what a condom will feel like on... well, your package. in (or on) the flesh.

However, a new design concept developed by a student at the National Taipei University of Technology aims to clear up all that ambiguity by stacking the condoms, Pringle-style, in a cylindrical container that instantly gives a clear indication of how each size will feel in (or on) the flesh. They're called Love Guide Condoms, and all you've gotta do is grip the tube, then pick the size that feels just right.

It's like Goldilocks, but for your dong; Goldicocks, in other words.

The tubes/condoms would come in five different sizes: cucumber, carrot, banana, turnip, and zucchini. Why the emphasis on produce? According to Guan-Hao Pan, the student behind the design, it's inspired by a Chinese saying that basically says sex and food are both basic parts of human nature. Can't argue with that logic.

Unlike Pringles, each of the condoms would be individually wrapped to ensure freshness -- because the image of a pile of condoms all stuck together is not conducive to sexy-time. Also unlike pringles, with these condoms, once you pop, you can stop. And you'll probably have to. 

Even better, the individual containers would ensure each condom's right-side up when you open it, eliminating the embarrassment of wasting a perfectly good rubber by soiling the tip.

Still, while the ease of discovering your proper condom size by touch alone is an alluring prospect, would anyone feel comfortable walking up to the cash register with the smallest-sized tube? At least with current condom packaging, they're all essentially the same. With the Love Guide, you're telling the cashier "here's my dong, please scan it for me." Great way to make fast friends with your cashier, but only if you're Mr. Zucchini.

(h/t Fast Company)


Gianni Jaccoma is a staff writer for Thrillist, and heโ€™s not gonna tell you what veggie he is. Follow his myserious/phallic tweets @gjaccoma, and send your news tips to news@thrillist.com

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