Sadly, this one's way beyond the five-second rule.
A 53ft tractor trailer carrying tons of boxes of French fries overturned on a highway in Maine the other day, spilling the spuds all over the side of the road and necessitating the formation of what can assuredly be called the dourest clean-up assembly line in truck spill history. In a weird portent, a similar potato truck spill occurred near the same site earlier this year, but those taters were uncut and uncooked.
The boxes of crashed potatoes weighed about 36lbs apiece, and took until 6am to clean off of the road so that the truck could be removed. The driver was, fortunately, uninjured, and the Maine Department of Agriculture was forced to condemn the food as inedible, which has gotta be one of the toughest parts of that job.
Adam Lapetina is a Food/Drink staff writer for Thrillist, and has dropped his fair share of French fries in the past. Read his musings at @adamlapetina.