3. Kiwi fruit
What a strange, amazing, perplexing, unique-ass fruit. You don’t come across it often. And when you do, it’s usually a pleasant surprise to find. This is exactly the role it plays in most fruit salads. If you’re not one of the first five people in line at the buffet table, chances are, you’re not gonna even know that kiwi was included the in the salad in the first place. It’s not that people are kiwi fiends, it’s just that when there’s a commodity that exists in such rare quantities, people are gonna snatch it up.
According to (my) science, there are, on average, three servings of kiwi in a fruit salad. Is it because kiwi fruit are expensive, so people don’t buy many of them for the fruit salad? Is it because people are somewhat uncomfortable with handling large quantities of fruit that, before being cut, generally look like hairy testicles? Are we afraid that we’re actually consuming something cut off of people from New Zealand (see: prior question)? Whatever the true reason is, I don’t really want to know. I love the mystery of the kiwi and its unicorn quality, and if I miss out on it in the fruit salad, so be it. It’ll just make the next time I get a piece that much more satisfying.